


Murphy's Cops Law #28

by Python07



Series: Murphy's Cops Laws [25]
Category: McHale's Navy (TV)
Genre: M/M, classic Binghamton rant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3285791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Small fic based on Murphy's Cops Law #28: Cops arrive late to the scene of crime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Murphy's Cops Law #28

“In all my years, I’ve never seen such incompetence!”

Lieutenant Elroy Carpenter stood at attention with the rest of the shore patrol in Captain Binghamton’s office. He tried to stare straight ahead but his eyes followed the Captain pacing in agitation before them. He’d seen Binghamton red faced before but this was a whole new level.

Captain Wallace B. Binghamton couldn’t stop the pacing. His arms shook at his sides. “A golden opportunity to be rid of McHale and you…” He shook his finger at them. “…you sorry excuse for a shore patrol let it slip through my fingers.”

Carpenter swallowed. “Sir, if I may--”

“Button it!” Binghamton snarled. He stood in front of Carpenter and glared him up and down. “I put you in charge so nothing would go wrong. I trusted you. My right arm!” he shouted.

Carpenter frowned. “But, Captain--”

“I had them,” Binghamton wailed. “I had them.”

“Captain, we--”

“You were too late!”

“We went in exactly when you told us,” Carpenter answered apologetically. “There was nothing illegal going on.”

“Oh, yeah.” Binghamton waved his arms. “What were those pirates doing? Playing Parcheesi?”

“Go fish actually,” Carpenter answered innocently.

Binghamton’s eyes grew wider. He brought his hands up as if to strangle Carpenter. He growled and abruptly turned away. His shoulders slumped. “All my work for nothing,” he wailed. He looked up. “Why me? Why is it always me?”

“Ensign Parker said it was go fish tournament,” Carpenter added blandly. “He was winning.”

Binghamton walked behind his desk and stared out the window. “It was going to be so beautiful,” he said wistfully. “McHale and his goons in the brig and airtight court martial papers for Admiral Rogers’ inspection when he’s here next week. Even the Admiral wasn’t going to be able to save them.” He puffed his chest out. “That old coot would have to be on my side for a change.”

Binghamton blinked and glared at them again. “Instead, I’m out a month’s pay and a crate of champagne.” He waved an arm in agitation. “That will be all. Every single one of you is a disgrace.”

All the men winced and Carpenter tried one last time to help him see reason. “Captain Binghamton, we tried. We followed your orders to the letter.”

“And you were late!” Binghamton slammed a hand on his desk and pointed at them again. “McHale got to you, didn’t he?” he babbled hysterically. “He paid you off to look the other way.” 

“Sir,” Carpenter said, aghast. 

Binghamton stood in front of Carpenter. He leaned in and lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “How much did he give you? How much to betray your commanding officer?”

Carpenter frowned. “Nothing. I don’t know how you can suggest such a thing. I would never dream of taking money from Commander McHale.”

“Come on. You can tell me.”

“Nothing. I give you my word as an officer.”

Binghamton grunted and turned away. “I must admit that you’ve never given me cause to doubt your word,” he allowed sourly. He scowled at Carpenter over his shoulder. “Until now.”

“We’ll get them next time, Sir.”

Binghamton shook his head. “Hope springs eternal,” he said wearily.

“Or at least we’ll try,” Carpenter continued hopefully. 

Binghamton jumped up and down like a child throwing a tantrum. “Out! Out! Out!”

The men let out a collective sigh of relief and ran out. Carpenter waited until he was safely back in his quarters before letting out the laugh he’d been holding in. He leaned against the door and covered his face.

“So, I’m guessing Old Leadbottom’s wrath wasn’t too bad,” a welcome voice teased.

Carpenter grinned at Lieutenant Commander Quinton McHale sitting on his bunk. “Oh, it was horrible. The Captain was in fine form today.”

McHale smirked. “Oh, really.”

“Apparently, every single one of us is a disgrace.”

McHale laughed. “If you’re a disgrace, what does that make me?”

Carpenter went to stand in front of McHale. “I don’t think we want to know. You should’ve seen his face when I told him you guys were doing nothing more than playing go fish.”

“I can imagine.” McHale rested his hands on Carpenter’s hips. “I’m sure it was a look to turn a lesser man to stone.”

Carpenter straddled McHale’s lap. “He even asked if you paid us off.”

McHale arched an eyebrow. “Even he can’t believe that you’d take money.”

Carpenter planted his hands on McHale’s chest and leaned in to nip McHale’s bottom lip. “No,” he whispered huskily. “I take my payment in other ways.”


End file.
